Forgiveness....

Forgiveness.... There are so many different levels of this subject.  So what is at the bottom of it?  Finding compassion for those that have hurt us in the past and ourselves?  Forgiveness could mean being able to see this life in the light of the present.  Are you carrying around a big bag of resentment that is weighing you down?  How do you drop it?  Is it an act of self compassion to say, WOW that could have changed at the time but it did not.  I was not able to show up at the time.  And the other person was not able to show up either.  That was part of their ability to function at the time and mine also.  We can blame many things, environment, being in a stressful situation that caused failure.  People (including ourselves) not having the skills at the time to function in the best way. 
We do not have to return to the same relationship or accept harmful behaviors from others who have hurt us.  We can walk away.
What if it was sexual abuse?  We could always not forgive.  This is an option.  But wait a minute is that festering stuff inside me tied to that ugliness?  What do I do with this stuff.  Get some help if you need it.  Would writing about it help?  Sometimes this has a denial piece about it.  The family is all against it.  Where do I go from here?  Many times the wrong things have been said. 
Forgiveness can be challenging.  What if the other party cannot offer a sincere apology or anything.  Again what if they deny the offense?
What is the healthiest path?  We need to know that the wound is there, understand the other person, process the emotions. 
What if we have harmed the other person?  Take responsibility, and acknowledge our mistakes.
There are three levels of forgiveness.  First, I forgive you and we are OK.  We can reset the situation and go on.
Second, I forgive you but this has happened in the past and I am having a hard time with trusting you.  I don't know if I can continue the way we were before.
Third, there is no way that I will forgive you, I do not trust you and we will not be

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