Come to the calm of a well functioning brain.
One of the words that I include in my vocabulary about who I am and what kind of person I want to be surround with is, "Integrity." I have been in situations that I wish I would have had a better compass to navigate the climate. Here are a few of the ideas that I found in Psychology Today.
#1. Don't try to fix the person. I know that you want to help, but let it be. Accept them as they are. If you see that the person is trying to make an effort and they are asking for your opinion then that is your cue.
#2. Be present and direct. This person could be ready for a conflict. Do you feel that your heart is racing and your breathing is faster, then calm down and be direct and assertive. If the conversation is getting heated, excuse yourself, the time is not right.
#3. Encourage the person to express himself. Show respect for the person and just let them talk about their views. Do not try to interject. Do not include your personal story now, maybe later. How have they felt judged or criticized? Keep listening, maybe that is all that they need.
#4. Watch for triggers or off-limits topics. Is there a history of topics that are leading to a dead end again? Then sometimes that subject needs to be left on the back burner until the timing is right.
#5. It's not about you, usually. Be aware of taking things personally. When you feel attacked or blamed, step back and consider and observe what is going on with you and the other person that is involved. Many times in this kind of situation the other person is trying to get a response about something specific, can you find the subject that is in the background? If you feel attacked then the conversation can deteriorate quickly. It is good to leave the conversation if it is escalating.
#6. Know your boundaries. If you do not want a person in your space, make that agreement with yourself. You do not have to keep the difficult person happy and satisfied.
#7. Be prepared. If there is going to be a situation where you will be challenged, then find people that you can have around you that will be supportive. Find a way to avoid the one who incites and aggravates.
LENS will not take the challenging people away from you. It can help to keep the brain in a relaxed and balanced state.
The ideas that follow are from Dr. Andrew Weil and his book, "Spontaneous Healing".
The first concept is, "Do not take NO for an answer". Many people have found discouraging words coming from their health care practitioner. They are put on suppressive drugs that keep the symptoms at bay, but do not get to the root of the problem. They are told to keep up with this drug therapy that can actually send the problem deeper into the body and cause more problems.
The second concept is, "Actively search for health". Become your own health advocate. Research other therapies, ask friends and neighbors, look into what can help. If your doctor does not agree, find someone that will help you to gain in your search for health.
The third concept is, "Seek out others who have been healed". There are plenty of resources online to find out what other people have done with what is going on with you. Find what fits your needs and get busy with getting well.
Number four is, "Form constructive partnerships with health professionals". Find practitioners that will support and empower you in your search for health. It can be someone who says that they do not know what your doing, but keep it up. Or someone that can give you ideas about where to search for help.
Number five is, "Do not hesitate to make radical life changes". You might find yourself in a different relationship, job, moving to a different place, These changes can be difficult, but they can help to create the new you that is necessary for health.
Number 6 is, "Regard illness as a gift". Do you need to search down into the dungeon to find that change, start digging. Find this as an opportunity and get on with your personal growth. Become alive and not asleep.
Number 7 is, "Cultivate self-acceptance". To accept oneself with all of the imperfections, limitations and defects can help to resolve those deep conflicts with yourself. This will help you to surrender to a higher will. Learn to surrender to what is going on around you. If you keep fighting with what is going on then you will get that back.
LENS neurofeedback will help to get the brain balanced and working in good order.
We all crave approval and fear the truth. Critical feedback feels traumatic because it threatens two of our most fundamental psychological needs, safety and worth. Safety needs can be material, physical, and worth can be part of the self-repect, self-regard and self-confidence spectrum.
When we feel that our financial, relationship, or physical needs are being threaten, then there is fear. However, in most cases, except with abuse, it is our defensive, combative, or resentful response to feedback that puts us at risk, more than the feedback itself.
So with our self-worth, learning the truth is beneficial. It can provoke shame, fear and anger. We live with an undercurrent of terror that we aren't worthy and feedback risks pointing this out. (Especially from our loved ones)
Studies have shown that the feedback hurts worse when there is a malicious motive. But what gets us hooked in, is the craving of approval from people that we consider powerful in our lives. We want approval and positive endorsement so that we don't feel inadequate.
The key to finding the truth, is to understand the negative feedback and how it affects us. It requires us to take responsibility for our own safety and worth. This means that learning is always beneficial. If the feedback is difficult, learn to take your time and step out if you need to. When people lash out and attack back then the wound only gets bigger. This article was written from the Harvard Business Review. They are taking people that have had life problems and using this strategy to help them to recover from major life problems.
LENS neurofeedback can help with the reactivity that all of us have when our safety or self-worth is challenged. It smooths things out.
There is a direct correlation between getting a good nights sleep and the use of technology. There are several factors that create this problem. When we have been misusing technology during the day (checking the phone constantly, instead of every 15 to 30 minutes). This can lead to poor executive functioning (especially with the lack of sleep, because the phone is by the bed and even being checked at night). This leads to an inability to pay attention, problem solve, control impulses and make decisions. The second by product of too much blue screen use in anxiety. People that get anxious about not having their phone near by and in direct contact can even have anxiety attacks. The blue wave length of the phone or other device increases the cortisol in the brain and makes us more alert. And this leads to a decrease in melatonin that helps us to sleep. We need to turn off the devices an hour before we go to sleep. We are becoming addicted to the beep of the notifications, try to leave it for awhile. Get the phone or other device out of the bedroom. Calm down, it can wait. We need sleep to help the brain to reset itself. It prunes and strengthens the neurons, just like when we defrag our computers.
Happy dreams! Give LENS a try it helps to defrag the brain to create a calmer, quiet response to the stressors in our life.
There is a group that is called Artis International. I read about this group on a website that is called, The Conversation. This organization studies the brains of individuals that are involved in juhadi organizations. They have found that when the people start talking about the process of killing or being killed for the organization that there is a part of the brain that is in the prefrontal cortex that gets deactivated. These centers relate to the ideas of deliberate reasoning.
The research also points to the social influence that these organizations have on the individual. They have found that when people feel excluded for religious or political reasons, they do not have a voice, then the local extremist groups can gather them in. They exploit these individuals by finding the disenfranchised people and getting them to get on board with an organization the does care. An example would be the Sunni Arabs. They get the people on board by being against the established organizations.
How can this be changed. By creating foreign and domestic policies that facilitate social inclusion to take the fire our of violent extremist groups. However, the sacred values that the people hold are individual. So in the long run, learning to foster a sense of purpose and belonging creates a power to effect social change.
I keep working with the LENS neurofeedback system to create change on an individual level. We can become more discerning and understanding of others through our own self care.
I have been in the process of cleaning out things. All sorts of things, clothes, tupperware (where is that dang lid anyway!} shoes, and stuff. I don't need all of this climbing the walls. So I found an article about buying stuff at Psychology Today. This just helps me understand a little better. Care to join me?
We buy things because it makes us feel better. It helps with that dopamine rush that we all crave. It is a natural addiction, it counters stressors and it is a coping response tied to stress and depression. It provides short term relief. Shopping is entertaining, distracting, can fill an empty schedule and aids procrastination. If your not enjoying a project then go and buy something instead.
We cannot help it. It is hard to resist a good deal or something on sale. This can be linked to a non-conscious state and how advertising can get an upper hand. There are reward factors after all. People enjoy hanging out with you because you drink a certain thing or wear a certain thing.
We need it! How much do we really need. We can think of a hierarchy of needs. But does self-actualization really include a bunch of stuff?
We like novelty. We are looking to bring back the excitement, with a newer car or shoes or.. or.. and this is made better by our own personal needs.
It makes us feels special. We crave something that no one or few others have. We can create attention to ourselves. We can reinforce ourselves and this is a sign of prosperity. We can flaunt our status.
Phew, I think that I am going to go find more stuff to get rid of...
LENS can calm down the limbic system and help with this need to have more.
Here is a little bit of information that I found at sciencedaily.com. It regards the use of Cannabis and how it affects the adolescent brain.
When kids hit adolescence the brain starts to rewire on a very significant level. The brain connections between the higher-order areas of the cortex start connecting with the deeper brain areas that are related to emotional processing. This re-connection works with the cognitive functions, such as working memory, decision making, and impulsivity control. This is why they are having a hard time with getting their life working in a smooth way. If they use cannabis then this is causing problems with the circuits that are trying to rebuild.
In one of the studies that was conducted at the University of Montreal, the young people where followed for two years starting in the 7th grade (12 year-olds). They found that the 19% of the population that were using cannabis had problems with working memory (there go the school grades and doing the chores), inhibitory control, memory recall and perceptual reasoning (what? I didn't get that concept). This was found to have a increase in the male population.. Along with some of the other studies, there was found a defect in working memory, self control and motivation.
So if you want your child to succeed, find a way to keep them off of the drugs.
LENS neurofeedback helps the brain to smooth out and work better. It makes you feel good without the use of other substances and will cost less in the long run.
Hello, my name is Dana Lee Collins M.A.,L.P.C. I am a psychotherapist that has been trained in the art of neurofeedback. This science helps to heal the brain of trauma. I am dedicated to helping people heal.