Come to the calm of a well functioning brain.
How many of us get out of this life alive? The statics are in, 100 percent of us die. So at some time in our lives, someone important is going to leave our lives. I feel the need to educate people, so few know how to talk or approach a person that has lost a love one.
Here are some of the things that I have seen and felt...
"I'm sorry for your loss". To the grieving person this tells them that this person is not able to be sincere. They are just using clique phrases to get by. When someone is in the grieving stage, which can take a long time, for some, for others a shorter amount of time, they need people to be realistic with them. They are raw, they need human connection. Knowing that someone cares enough to stop in their busy life and just take the time to try and understand is fundamentally important. (Unless you are at the funeral, then try to say something different, something that relates. Or just say nothing. The person is totally over whelmed with the whole event.)
Do not bring your own experiences into the situation.
Do not say, "How are you doing", unless you really mean it. The grieving person can tell the difference. If you are asking just to look good and then go tell your friends what the response was, this is not good.
Cook something yummy and bring it to the house after the first couple of weeks. They will need your support at that time more than when there is the on rush of people and relatives. (Relatives can be a whole different story!)
Tell them that you feel uncomfortable. Be realistic, try to listen and support.
Don't do what you think needs to be done. Ask if you can help and make a point of doing it. However, if there is something that needs to be done, point it out and then get permission to help.
Don't tell them to call, more than likely they will not do it. They are in a low place, call them. Again, stop by, but call first.
These are a few pointers.
LENS neurofeedback can help to get the light back into the situation.
Hello, my name is Dana Lee Collins M.A.,L.P.C. I am a psychotherapist that has been trained in the art of neurofeedback. This science helps to heal the brain of trauma. I am dedicated to helping people heal.