How to understand the ego...

I found an article in Scientific American by Scott Barry Kaufman. 
Here is a brief overview of what he taught me.
If we have a quiet ego, one that is functioning and not shoved down, silenced, then there are 4 characteristics that we would be good to consider.
The first one is detached awareness.  People with this quality have an engaged, non-defensive  form of attention to the to the present moment.  They try to see reality as clearly as possible.  They have the ability to revisit thoughts and feelings that have already occurred and examine them more objectively and make adjustments that lead to further growth.
The second concept is the inclusive identity.  When the ego is turned down in volume, then we have a balanced or more integrative interpretation of the self and others.  This is being humble and getting to know the perspective of others and breaking down barriers.  This is hard to maintain if we are in a conflict and your identity or core values are being challenged.
The third concept is perspective-taking.  This is reflecting on others viewpoints.  Understanding the perspective of others increases the realization of one's interdependence with others.
The fourth concept is growth mindedness.  What is the long-term impact of your actions?  Can you view the present moment as part of the ongoing life journey instead of a threat to one's self and existence?

LENS neurofeedback can help to make this journey of life easier to navigate.  It is pain free and helps to smooth the rocks in the road.