Come to the calm of a well functioning brain.
The first step should be the acknowledgement that there is a wound that needs healing. You need to understand that there is pain, uncomfortable and at times unbearable. Can you also recognize that there is some positive experiences that can be remembered?
Next, learn to embrace not push away the feelings of loss. We want to push the pain away. We want to distract ourselves with food, drugs, alcohol, the television. We try to control the pain and keep it away. But it just keeps coming up and then... more of the numbing. Stop, stand there, embrace the part of you that is hurt. Make a list and research the emotions that are behind this stuck place. (It is not really stuck, it is our teacher.)
Look for emotions that are unexpected, There could be memories, thoughts, emotions and some nice unexpected things.
At times all of the losses can seem overwhelming. It will feel like a wave that sweeps you under, hold on for the wave to pass. Writing about it can help. Just let it take you were it is going, if you try to fight it, it just pushes you under.
Watch out for unhelpful thoughts. This is usually an old pattern, set up in your past. I should be over this by now. Life is so unfair. I don't what to do this anymore. It is all my fault. If I had only done something different. Find a song you can hum or sing about this loss.
Connect with what matters. It can find a place of even mattering more now. This is still meaning to be found, letting the negative thoughts win gets you in a hole to dig yourself out again. Your pain is proof that your still alive. Who do you want to be. Start there.
Find out what is close to your heart and find your goals and values. You know what is important, go in that direction.
LENS neurofeedback will help you to get on track. You can be the driver on the train.
Hello, I am a psychotherapist that has been trained in the art of neurofeedback. This science helps to heal the brain of trauma. I am dedicated to helping people heal.